Your Ultimate Goal
Without a goal providing us with a direction to focus on, we generally don't make any progress at all. So I am going to help you address and rectify that problem right now. We are going to create a goal so compelling, so inspiring that you'll be driven towards accomplishing it.
What do I mean by Goal?
When I say Goal, what I'm really referring to, is your destination goal. Ultimately, it's the situation that you want to achieve. Rest assured there are plenty of mini-goals that you will accomplish along the path towards your ultimate destination. I will refer to those "mini-goals" as Milestones. The next chapter will be completely dedicated to creating those milestones. For now, we are going to focus on the BIG Goal.
Think of your ultimate goal like you are planning a vacation to Paris. In this example, you've already determined that Paris is your goal. To travel to Paris, you will accomplish many milestones along the journey to reach your goal. Some milestones might include; packing, hailing a taxi, driving to the airport, finding your airport gate and terminal, flying to Paris, hailing a taxi, driving to your Hotel. All of these milestones are steps that brought you to your destination, your ultimate goal.
Once you reach Paris, you realize it isn't the end of the road. Now that you have achieved your goal, perhaps you will adjust your plan by spending a few days in Paris and then take a train over to London, even though London wasn't part of your original goal. That's ok, its good to be flexible, and make adjustments, as long as you aren't selling yourself short of your goal.
So what I want you to understand and take away from the Paris example, is to set an ultimate goal, but don't think that it has to be a FINAL goal. Don't get bogged down if your goal to have a long-term girlfriend, but in the back of your mind, you are thinking that you want to get married. In this case, you would set your goal towards having a long-term girlfriend and then you can make future plans from there. Your goal just needs to be a major one that will require accomplishing many milestones.
Inspiration
A goal should provide more than just a target to aim for, a goal should also provide inspiration that will drive you forward. They key thing about a goal is that it must be compelling, providing unlimited and unquenchable inspiration. Truly inspired people all have something in common. They have a goal so compelling that they can't help but be inspired and enthusiastic! An inspired person will let nothing stand in their way. So if your goal isn't compelling and inspiring, you run the risk of losing interest and giving up.
But we aren't going to allow that to happen! We are going to create a goal so compelling, so enticing, so desirable that you can't help but be excited, enthusiastic... inspired!
So how do we do that? How do we come up with goals that are inspiring? The best way that I know of is to set a goal that is so vividly amazing that it's like a dream come true. It must be everything that you ever imagined and more. When you focus on your goal and see it in your mind, it MUST get you very excited and it must make you happy. When you imagine accomplishing that goal, it must fill you with energy, make you jump up out of your seat, drive you and inspire you to shout "Nothing can stop me from accomplishing my goal!"
Doubt
It's usually around this time that some people start to experience doubt. So lets address that nasty little emotion. As you create your goal (and later your milestones), you may experience some doubts. These thoughts are completely normal, everyone experiences doubts. In fact, you should expect doubts to happen, and not even worry about them. When you catch yourself doubting, just interupt yourself and think 'Cancel - Cancel' and then refocus on your goal. Don't beat yourself up over it, accept doubt as a natural mental process and don't get caught up in it. When you find yourself experiencing doubt, I want you to let it go and focus on your goal, and remember that you made a decision to never give up. So what if you have doubts, don't let it stop you, instead refill yourself with confidence, fake it if you have to, just don't stop moving forward.
Make sure you have determined the Right Goal for you
Everyone has different goals. Perhaps for you it's having a long-term girlfriend in a successful relationship, or perhaps your goal is marriage. Maybe all you really want is to meet some new female friends and gain some experience with women before entering a relationship. The Goal is up to you, and is completely personal. But, it's not a good idea to have a goal like 'I want to kiss a girl'. Kissing a girl, is a milestone that will lead you towards a larger goal. Again, I want you to think BIG, think of this goal as something that you will be able to look back on as an important event in your life.
For some people this is easy, some people already know what it is that they want. If you are sure that you already know what your goal is then that's great, but please just bear with me and go through the exercise to be absolutely sure.
Task - Determine your Goal
So how can you be sure which goal is the right goal for you? Many people really aren't sure what they want. Your goal may depend on how old you are, what stage of life you are at, or what kind of commitment you are ready for.
Read through some of these thoughts. They may help to clarify what your true goal is. Do any of them sum up what you are thinking and feeling?
- I'm young! I just want to gain experience with women.
- I'd like to get married one-day, but I'm just not sure for right now.
- I'm positive that I don't want to get married, but I do want a life partner.
- I just want someone to love.
- I want to find someone to share the rest of my life with.
- I don't know what I want. I just don't want to be lonely anymore.
- I'm not getting any younger, it's time to start thinking about marriage.
- I love kids and want to find a wife and start a family.
Whatever it is that you are thinking you have to ask yourself one very important thing, and be prepared to accept an answer that you might not expect or even want to hear.
Does this goal make you happy when you close your eyes and imagine it?
Now ask yourself, what kind of happiness is it that you are experiencing? Be careful, because this can be a little tricky. Is what you feel true happiness experienced from the joy of the relationship that you are in? Or is it happiness born from the fact that you won't feel left out anymore, or perhaps the feeling of relief of societies pressures to get married and have children.
If your goal doesn't make you truly happy, then it isn't the right goal for you, no matter how much you may think it is. If you choose to ignore your heart in this matter, then you may still attain your goal, but you will find that once you accomplish it, you won't feel happy because it isn't aligned with who you are at this stage of your life.
I want to take this opportunity to warn you about setting a goal for marriage, and even more careful for setting a goal to get married and have children. 50% of marriages end in divorce because people don't consider the long-term of their decision to get married. Divorce causes great stress, especially if there are children involved, the mental damage to a child going through divorce is very serious.
If you feel compelled to get married and have children because of peoples or societies expectations of you, then you should take some time to think about that. In fact, you have a responsibility to your future children to be very careful with such a serious commitment. I suggest setting your goal for entering into a long term relationship instead. You'll then have a better perspective before you make any long term decisions. Once you've achieved your ultimate goal, you'll be able to make a new ultimate goal to transform your long term relationship into a marriage.
Ok, enough advice about goals, its time to determine your ultimate goal for this program. Consider and choose which of these goals feels the closest to what you want your ultimate goal to be.
My goal is to have many female friends and lovers
My goal is to have a healthy, caring relationship
My goal is to find my soul mate
My goal is to find the love of my life and get married
My goal is to find the love of my life, get married and have kids
I have a completely different goal
